Sometimes people show up in your life exactly when you need them.
I needed a boost. I wasn’t sure exactly what I needed, but I knew I needed something.
Then, out of nowhere and completely unexpectedly, a person shows up in my office to offer me just that. Connections are remarkable.
I had no idea when I started my day that I would have such a remarkable visit with a complete stranger. I saw my calendar for the day and asked my assistance to remind me about my 11 am meeting. I didn’t recognize the persons name and had no idea what the meeting was about. I usually like to be prepared and my mind was a complete blank. My assistance knows everything and pulled an old email out of her electronic files to remind me of the meeting. A woman asked to meet with me a few months ago to explain her connection to the hospital and nursing school. Thinking that this may be a waste of time, I asked my assistant to keep me on schedule and come knock on my door at a five minute warning.
An elderly woman dressed in her St. Patricks Day best, carrying a little box of green cookies (don’t go to someone’s home with your arms swinging!) walked into my office and told me she had wanted to meet and talk with me since she first saw me back in the Fall of 2022 when I was new to my job in Bridgeport. We were at a Parish Nurse Event- celebrating the work that the parish nurses across greater Bridgeport do for their parishes and parishioners. I gave a short speech at the event, introduced myself to many of the nurses, attended a lovely dinner, the nuns blessed our hands and because it was late, scooted out to start my hour long commute home.
Sometimes connections happen when you least expect them. She asked about my experience as a nurse and nurse leader. She told me about her experience as a nurse and nurse leader. She has had an amazing journey to becoming a chief nursing officer, like me, but back in the 70’s. She shared with me a number of mistakes she made in her career. She told me to always listen to my gut when making decisions. We had an awesome conversation about the science behind listening to your gut- how the gut and brain are connected through a maze of hormones and nerves. She told me stories about how her decisions affected her experience and performance. At one point she paused, looked down and told me that being a CNO was one of the hardest jobs she ever had. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and explained I was just going to ask about that! This job is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had too!
This conversation could not have come at a better time. I was feeling down this past week about just how hard this job really is- how maybe I am not good enough, how I may not be making good decisions. Maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough. Or maybe I’m just not good enough in general. That voice inside my head was fierce last week. This nurse leader’s visit helped me to quell that inner critic a bit. Her connecting with me also helped me overcome a difficult situation and difficult conversation I knew I needed to have at work.
Truly, I was in awe. I hadn’t realized how much I missed our older generation. My grandparents have slowly left us, and since COVID the older generation is not as active in our lives. There is so much experience to learn from those who have been on the planet longer than we have. Funny story about that, Ella, Jason and I were recently traveling in the car together, Ella was asking us a question about something, I don’t remember what the conversation was about. We were answering her and she was arguing with us, telling us we were wrong, when in fact, we were right. I turned around and said to her, “Your dad has been on the planet for almost 40 more years than you, why don’t you believe us? Why would you ever think we would not be honest with you and tell you the truth?”. I know this questioning and pushing of boundaries is a part of growing up, tweens do this to figure out who they are supposed to be, how they are supposed to interact with the world. As we grow older, the wisdom of those who have come before us becomes more important. I hadn’t realized that I was missing that until this little lady showed up in my office and asked to be my friend. She actually said as we were parting, “I hope we can be friends”.
As I was doing a lot of reading on Blue Zones and Longevity, one of the special pieces of that research that really stuck out to me was the importance of social connections and the part that they play in your happiness and health. A study describes that satisfaction with the three primary relationship types; intimate, family and friendships; is associated with overall life satisfaction (Kaufman, 2022). Research in the Blue Zones of the world found that forming strong social ties, calling your grandparents and partying (yes, partying!) were essential to a long life of happiness.
Researchers of Blue Zones have found some unique routines of individuals who live in these areas that may impact their longevity and health. There are so many things we can incorporate into our daily lives, we need to find those things that work best for us, that make us feel good. It is so interesting to me to see the social connections and friend items on the lists. Making a social connection everyday is so important to our overall well being. Making it a point to do this is one of the ways we can ensure a long, happy life.
As we reach the end of March, the month of blogs about community and making social connections, I was so thrilled to share this story with you. The connection could not have come at a better time for me and remarkable that it connects with this months theme too.
Be Well,
Teresa
Resources and Additional Readings:
Kaufman, Et al (2022). Unique ways in which the quality of friendships matter for life satisfaction. Journal of Happiness Studies, 23, 2563-2580.
The Book of Ichigo Ichie, The art of making the most of every moment the Japanese way, Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles
Ikigai, The Japanese secret to a long and happy life, Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles
Super Human, Dave Aspry
The Longevity Project: surprising discoveries for health and long life from the landmark 8 decade study, H. Friedman
www.bluezones.com- from this website the Daily Downshift Routines of Okinawans:
Go outside and get 15 minutes of sunlight
Get together with friends to have fun, complain, lend support
Take 10 minutes to pray, meditate or reflect every day
Get gardening
Boost your mood with food
Take a nap
Schedule a weekly friend date
Don’t take life too seriously and laugh daily
Plan a happy hour
Call your grandparents
Develop a personal statement “plan de vida”- purpose driven individuals are more likely to live longer
Make friends with someone older than you