The Sickness

Ella has been distance learning for her third grade at Hartland School. Her favorite class is writing. She enjoys learning the special skills of writing, creating fictional stories and documenting real ones as well! She wrote a true story over two days about her experience with the sick sheep that I wanted to share with all of you. Ella also took this very special photo of the third lamb to get sick, Star. Star was her favorite, and she took this photo as Star was enjoying some grass on one of her final afternoons in the fading summer sun.

The Sickness

by Ella Fuller

Septemeber 18 and 21, 2020

Mom Dad and I live on a farm. We have a big garden, sheep, chickens, dogs. It was fun living on the farm until our sheep got sick. With a virus called cda its like chicken pox expet its not. 2 of our lambs were positive with cda. cda efects their kidnees so lamb number one coudent stand up on his own he even coudent keep his head up. He was getting weaker and weaker when we called the vet said “I’ll be there in a minute”. When she arived he had died. We all cryd even dad. Now there was only one postive lamb left. Our other lamb was doing good but day after day she got weaker and weaker. She started to grind her teeth which is a sighn of stress. We called the vet again and when she came and looed at the lamb number 2 she said I think we should put her down. It was silent then dad broke the silence and siad “ok”. So they got the medicine and put her to sleep.

Our sad farm update

We will miss their smiling faces and their sweet baaing. Three of our four baby lambs came down with a virus this summer and over the course of the past month, slowly failed to thrive and passed away. We kept much of this saddness from all of our farm friends because we (I mostly) felt that there was enough saddness going around right now that baby lamb saddness may cause everyone heartache.

There was certainly heartache on the farm.

Sven got sick first.

You may remember some of Sven’s antics. He was the baby sheepie who was our “Go Pro” Lambie! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkUJYiUDIJU . He showed everyone his sporty side by jumping all around with a camera strapped to his back! Sven was Ella’s favorite. It was heart wrenching when he got sick. His last evening, he had such a peaceful look on his face when we were done taking care of him, which included a shot of antibiotics, drinking heavy cream with vitamins from a bottle and strengthening his legs by helping him to stand and try to take a few steps. He was so weak but it was so brave of him to try so hard to stand. After we finished caring for him that evening, we laid him down in the straw, and with a peaceful look and a little grin on his face he fell asleep right in front of us. His sister Anna, who was slightly sick at the time kept looking over at him. In the morning, he was gone. Ella was heartbroken. I cried at work when Jason texted me that he was gone.

Even though we had prepared oursevles for what would happen to Sven, and followed all the advice of the vet, we were still unprepared for loosing him and how it would make us feel.

And then we turned our attention to Anna. She took longer to take ill. But the illness demonstrated the same trajectory. We cared for her every day, helped her stand and walk, fed her special clovers, hand picked from the garden. We gave her the medicine prescribed by the vet, and we watched her wither away, like her brother. The vet came by to check on the flock on the day that she looked her worst. She convinced Ella and Jason that Anna was in pain and very sick and needed to be put to sleep. The terror that Ella sufferd that day was real. So real that we need to continually have conversations about why we do that for animals so that they don’t have to suffer. The suffering was intense for these baby sheep, and for us as well. The entire flock looked on while we tried our best to take care of our littlest most vulnerable animals on the farm.

Star became ill a few days later, was put into isolation like her brother and sister before her. GIven a strict diet of the freshest clovers, heavy cream and vitamins and of course the injection of antibiotics, we cared for her every day. She was able to stand and walk despite being so weak, so we thought she had a fighting chance. Up until almost the very last day, we were convinced that she would turn the corner. One morning, we could not get her to stand up, and the vet visited once again.

The final straw for Ella was loosing Star. We engaged her in a new crew of chicks to raise as her own flock of chickens to take her mind off of her baby sheep. She currently is the chicken whisperer, spending time with them daily in a hen house that she build with her dad, she is starting to train them to come to her and sit on her arms. Of course they try to eat her boot which makes her giggle.

Through all of this saddness, our biggest fear was that the entire flock was sick. What started out as a virus from the male sheep we added to our flock last year, turned out to be a virus that affected only these three baby sheep- unfortunately, we lost them, but fortunately, everyone else tested negative for this virus, so we all breathed a sigh of relief. Whew. The unthinkable did not have to happen. The flock could stay and Hughy still had most his family.

We enjoyed helping these lambs into the world and we are honored to have been able to assist them out of it as well. We so enjoyed our time with them, especially as COVID raged, our farm home life was sweeter with the baby lambies in it.

Animals and Coronavirus 2020

Alot has been said about how much coronavirus has affected our lives. Our financial, political and social existance seems to have been altered in ways that we would never have imagined. Not only has our world changed, but so has the natural world. While the human existence went into isolation, quarantining from each other, we left the natural world outside all to itself. Suddenly and for an extended period of time, there were no humans interacting with the world. There were hardly any cars on the road, people, frightened of going outside or interacting with others, stayed inside, cooped up, but safe from coronavirus.

We were doing the right thing for the protection of our communities. But, what consequences were there for the natural world? One might say it was a welcomed relief, an escape from humans for a few months. As spring sprung in our neck of the woods, we realized how much we had missed nature, and perhaps howmuch nature missed us as well.

March turned to spring, and spring meant birds nests and tiny eggs. We watched a phoebe sit on her nest, we listened as a bluejay pair built a nest right outside our front door in a thick vine. We were present for a robin building her nest in our outdoor pavilion, within reach of our cameras. We witnessed the birth of some of the baby birds, and the destruction of the robin nest on the one weekend we ventured away from home for a few hours.

Bears walked down the highway. Herds of deer crossed roads like they were trail paths through the woods. Creatures we haven’t ever seen on the farm joined in the fun of digging in the brand new garden we were planting- bunnies! Then, when the juevinile hawks got a wiff of fresh young bunny, we watched them dive bomb the garden for hours on end. Suddenly, only two bunnies remained.

The song birds returned to the field birdhouses, blue birds were active again in the yard, eating bugs and looking so pretty on the fence posts.

Foxes came out of their dens and brazenly walked down the street, looking left and right before crossing.

The natural world allowed us to help- saving a tiny tree frog from our chickens, saving a hummingbird from the berry nets. We were awed everyday by the wonderous things happening on the farm!

The natural world came alive as we were hunckered down in our homes. What more wonder will coronavirus bring? Was this a blessing for us to reconnect with nature? For us on the farm, it was. We are grateful to live on the farm and enjoy all fo the beauty and wonder that goes with it.

Ella Learns to Crochet!

Ella learns not only how to crochet, but also how to spell crochet, how to pronounce crochet and how to teach someone elsehow to crochet (in her own words!). I guess she was finally ready to learn my favorite hobby!

A finished product of sea foam green with hot pink border, she created a beautiful little dog bed for one of her favorite stuffies. Now, she is working on a dark purple dog bed for another stuffie. She talked herself through the single crochet stiches all the way around and around until it was large enough to suit her stuffie!

Something must have clicked in her brain about where the needle goes, and how to wrap the yarn, after watching me for so many years crochet all sorts of items! Immediately, we had to let Nana (my mom) know, another crochet conissuear- she was thrilled that Ella had learned the craft and can’t wait for the three of us to have some crochet fun together!

The dog bed begins!

Ella’s little fingers are finally crocheting!

The Finished Project, complete with Katie sitting upon her new throne!

But of course, we can’t leave out the other stuffies who received new dog beds too…

Doesn’t everyone look happy?!

Finally! Submitted the Manuscript!

The Bear who visits the Bakery. An illustration by Jason W. Fuller, 2019.

This blog post is dedicated to my daughter Ella, who always knows the right thing to say. You may remember from the last post… “my heart knows that you can write this book, does yours?”, my daughter said this to me one summer afternoon as we were talking about things that you brain tries to (intentionally???) sabotage. As she pointed to her own heart, and then to mine, I realized that she was right. My heart knows that I have a book, an article and certainly some blog posts inside me! My brain just seems to think otherwise.

So, over the summer I had this idea for a book. An idea that kept bubbling up. So, it finally became an article which I am working on submitting to a healthcare journal, but that is not what this post is about. This post is about a story that Ella and I tell each other all the time as we watch the wildlife in our neck of the woods enjoy our farm.

I took a scary situation with a bear at the farm store and turned it into a fun loving childrens story which I just submitted to be published. The story is about a little baby bear and his momma who are searching the woods and our farm for blueberries. Ultimately, their noses deliver them right to the farm store (the actual real life bear found our farm store too!). I won’t give the whole story away, but trust me, sharing that fun story with Ella that day helped us through a very stressful situation, and continues to help when we are confronted by wildlife on the farm.

So, fingers crossed! I would love to share a series of animal stories on the Grassy Knoll Farm with our farm community and the world. My hope is that they accept and ask an illustrator to spend a few days with us so that the story can really come to life with real pictures of the farm!

I will keep you updated on both projects! Thank you for being here with me along this journey!

Writers make writing look hard

Do writers make writing look hard on purpose? Is it really that hard?

I want to believe that it is not as hard as it looks, or as it seems, and perhaps if the creative juices flow, and with the tincture of time, writing something pretty amazing to share with the world is indeed possible.

Not that I have done that yet, mind you.

Well, I shouldn’t sell myself short. I have written a number of blog posts and I think some pretty good essays and papers for school…

But, what I want to write a book about is stuck somewhere inside me, and doesn’t really want to come out yet. So, I have been doing alot of thinking about it. I am sure that adds up to something, right?

Do writers actually make writing look hard on purpose? Is the struggle real? Are they making it a struggle to keep others from wanting to write? Or, is the struggle where the creativity comes from? Or is the struggle actually fear?

Fear. Well now, fear is something that my brain can wrap itself around.

I fear that my idea is not adequate. I fear I don’t have enough time to really do what I want with it. I fear that I will stress out about it. I fear that people won’t read it. I fear I won’t be able to publish it. I fear it is too hard.

Am I actually sabotaging myself? Is my brain trying to stop me from writing? Is my mind following along changing my thoughts and ideas into fears?

My seven year old told me I could write this book. We were sharing our thoughts on how the brainmind can talk you right out of things you want to do.

My mind is filled with ideas for a book, but my brain is filled with all of those negative, fearful thoughts on how to accomplish it.

In fact, my brainmind is trying to talk me right out of writing it.

And, it might be winning. Until my daughter explained the difference between thinking with your brainmind and knowing with your heart.

Intuitively, I have always known this difference but it wasn’t until Ella literally pointed it out that I realized my heart knew I could and should write this book.

It wasn’t until she touched her finger to her heart and then to mine and said “my heart knows you can write this book, does yours?”.

Here’s to another adventure.

The Last Time I was in Maine

Peonies from our very own yard!

The last time I was in Maine, in April, three cervical discs in my neck bulged and I ended up limping home for the five hour drive as a passenger in severe pain. At the time, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I certainly did not think that I was going to spend the next several weeks healing and taking care of myself. That is a story for another day and don’t worry I am going to spend some time telling you all about it.

For today, this story is about how we ventured back to Maine. For our annual July visit. We spent a long time driving up, walking breaks every hour, a long lunch and walking tour in Portsmouth. Then, the home stretch a hour and a half drive through Freeport, Portland, Bath and then straight into Damariscotta.

I have to say I was very nervous about the drive- my mother in law drove so my neck could be free to move around- it was a delightful trip, and we made it with no problems!

Now, for taking care of myself.

Easier said than done.

My instinct is always to be on the move. How do you slow down when all you want to do is be active? How do you remind yourself to do your meditation, to walk, to drink water, to take your supplements, all when you are faced with this beautiful landscape, the beautiful lake, the wonderful places to shop! All I want to do is run out and enjoy it all, but instead, I have to take it in slow, even steps. I have to brave the mosquitos every morning to do my walking. I have to lie down on the yoga mat and do stretches and neck exercises. I have to take the time to be restful despite wanting to be on the go all the time.

So, there it is. I am faced with an inner quandry. I MUST take care of myself so that the cervial radiculopathy does not raise its ugly head (neck?) again. I MUST learn how to slow down, not be so active, not want to be moving and doing something every second.

That is hard for me. I hope to figure it out and share with you too.